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w w w. s p i r i t o f w o m e n . c o m S P R I N G 2 016 S P I R I T O F W O M E N
M E N T A L H E A L T H
By Stephanie Thompson
SHUTTERSTOCK
and give rides or support but not cash.
"It's important for families not to feel like they're handling
an addicted family member 'wrong,'" says Gonzales. "If you
can't let a family member be homeless, that's fine. It's fine too
if you need to put medicine or valuables in a lockbox. Don't
feel guilty about the decisions you've made."
THE BIGGER PICTURE
When you're dealing with a family member's addiction,
it's also a good time to look at your family's history and
acceptable norms for substances and behaviors, since
addictions tend to run in families.
Being open about addiction issues in your family is hard,
but it can also lead to sharing information about resources
in your community that can help, such as Al-Anon or Nar-
Anon. These groups can aid families in working through
the emotions and the physical realities of coping with an
addicted person.
And don't feel guilty about caring for yourself when another
family member is in need. "If you try to take care of someone
else before taking care of yourself, you will simply become
depleted and exhausted," says Candace Plattor, a registered
clinical counselor in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.
•
W
hen an extended family member is addicted to
something dangerous, whether it's a substance
or a behavior, it can be difficult to find a
balance between supporting him or her and
protecting your own nuclear family.
The most important thing to remember, says Lisa Gonzales,
an addictions counselor with Christiana Care Health System
in Wilmington, Del., is to be honest, to not feel guilty—and
to seek professional help.
"When families are dealing with someone with an
addiction, often [the family] can become suspicious and
have a lot of anger and trust issues, and it can change who
they are as people," says Gonzales. Families often deny the
issues surrounding the addicted person as a result of shame,
isolating themselves from friends and community, but "it's
so important to put an end to the secrecy and admit what's
happening," she adds.
FACING THE TRUTH
An addict suffers from a chemical and biological problem that
prevents him or her from stopping a behavior despite seriously
negative consequences. "Addiction is a brain disorder, not a
moral weakness," says Gonzales.
So while you ideally would support an addicted family
member with his or her recovery efforts, it's important to make
a united family plan to set boundaries and avoid enabling the
person's addiction or becoming codependent.
"Family members will think, 'If I do this or that, they'll get
better,'" says Gonzales, but that's often not the case. The best
your family can do is talk to each other and the addicted
person openly about what you will and won't do: avoid
keeping alcohol or pain medication around, for example,
Where to fnd help
• Substance Abuse and
Mental Health Services Administration
http://www.samhsa.gov / 800-622-HELP
• Alcoholics Anonymous / http://www.aa.org
• Narcotics Anonymous / https://www.na.org
Protecting
your
from the aftermath of addiction
family