9
w w w. s p i r i t o f w o m e n . c o m FA L L 2 014 S P I R I T O F W O M E N
F A M I L Y S T Y L E
SHUTTERSTOCK
stop fights before they start is to make sure you're spending
quality time alone with each child, according to Dr. Sara
Gondol, a pediatrician affiliated with The Medical Center
of Plano in Plano, Texas.
"Sometimes families feel like they have to share every-
thing all together, but time reading a favorite book or do-
ing a special activity specifically with one child can really
help make them feel important," she says.
Dr. Gondol also suggests giving children separate
chores to do so they feel as if they are playing a unique
role in the family.
"Ultimately, if you don't focus on what they're good at,
kids can spiral and act out," Dr. Gondol says. "Negative
attention is still attention, so it's important to make sure [that
you] give positive rather than negative reinforcement for
things they do."
KNOW WHEN TO STEP BACK
Don't forget, though, that sibling relationships do not com-
pletely center on you. As kids get older, they need to figure
out how to deal with one another without your intervention.
"Stepping in too quickly to fix the situation prevents
kids from learning important problem-solving skills," says
Dr. Henderson, who suggests that parents avoid taking
sides and refuse to reward tattling. "I told my children that
I did not want to get involved unless there was blood or
the potential for bodily harm."
•
S
ibling rivalry can begin the moment you bring
home a new baby and an older child starts
to wonder: Who is going to get the most atten-
tion from Mom and Dad now?
It's a normal reaction, say experts, and
how you deal with sibling interactions over the years will
have a long-term effect on your children's relationships
with one another.
DIFFERENT BUT EQUAL
To help a new baby get started on the right foot, says
Dr. Anita Henderson, a pediatrician who is affiliated with
Forrest General Hospital in Hattiesburg, Miss., be sure to
talk with older siblings beforehand about what to expect.
Give them jobs to do, such as handing off diapers and
wipes or reading to the new baby, and reassure them that
they haven't been replaced.
"Making sure children know that you value each one of
them equally can have long-lasting benefits for the family,"
says Dr. Henderson.
"The most important thing to stress is that every child has
different strengths, and try not to compare them," agrees
Dr. Cody Wagner, a family practitioner affiliated with
Decatur County Memorial Hospital in Greensburg, Ind.
PREVENTING FIGHTS
It's inevitable that siblings will bicker, but one way to help
Playing
fair:
How to handle sibling rivalry
By Stephanie
Thompson